Response to Dear Abby Column

Dear Abby:

I read the letter from “Wiser Now in the USA”, (7/19/06) which I thought was a very telling letter. I was disappointed that you chose to take the tact you did in your response.

Here was a young woman who had a baby at fourteen, in all probability impregnated by someone older, a statutory rapist. She continued the sexual pattern which she had been led into as a child, not surprisingly also repeating the pregnancies and enduring the “heart-wrenching” experience of adoption (but bettering the life of that child). After her first birth, she would have received full information on contraception from her doctor. Whether she chose not to use the prescription or, as is just as likely, as a teenager, she misused the regimen, other pregnancies were inevitable. But even if she knew nothing of contraception, her male sexual partners took no responsibility since they weren’t interested in protecting her, preventing a pregnancy, making a commitment or assuming fatherhood. This little girl was abused and used by men, and abandoned by adults who think her life is rosy if she just doesn’t get pregnant.

Thankfully, she now has “a chance” for an education and to provide for her children. I hope she is one of the success stories. But life doesn’t have to be that hard. Whatever she achieves, her children still have many problems to face that money won’t solve. Her four children need two parents who are committed to outlast all difficulties, to provide for their needs, and to shepherd their young lives to better futures. Her life at twenty-two hasn’t given her the experiences to do the latter. When she pleaded with other teens “please do not be like me” and urged other teen moms to volunteer at local schools, she showed a depth of understanding you totally ignored.

If you truly believe that “what people don’t know can hurt them” and kids deserve “straight answers”, then investigate yourself what is taught in sex education, read the teachers guides, look at the videos, review your own booklet. See if your beliefs are met. All programs taught in public schools will cover contraception and STDs. The difference will come in the emphasis. You condemn abstinence education but I can assure you that those that write the secular curriculums receive extensive medical information and advice that convinces them that abstinence must be taught first and foremost. They present information on contraception using effectiveness rates for common teen usage which does not approach the 90+% rates touted in comprehensive sex education. Most adolescents wouldn’t think to ask about how research was collected, how drugs were tested, what are the long term effects, are there contradicting studies; the program must present that information so they are informed consumers. In comprehensive sex ed, the steps for correct condom use is taught just once in school, years before 80% of students are sexually active. Rarely are students also told about the downside of condom use so they can make an informed assessment of its value. There is something a tad evil in teaching 10-14 year olds that a condom will “protect” them when they will remember little else but that word. No one without excellent skill, amazing concentration, and unwavering commitment at the moment of passion has “protection” with a condom. Without all three, a condom is just a piece of latex that makes us think we are “responsible”. The real truth is that sexually active teens have an abysmal chance to avoid STDs and will avoid pregnancy only with temporary sterilization options such as implants lasting 3-5 years. The younger they initiate sex, the greater the probability of life-altering outcomes.

Even if there were no pregnancies and no diseases, there are other reasons to be abstinent, especially as teens. All research supports optimal life sequencing; individuals, families, ethnic groups and society are better off if teens are encouraged to finish their education, secure a good job, get married and then start a family. There is nothing wrong with that pattern as an educational objective even if the individual later chooses not to marry or parent. But without the pattern, life becomes much harder, often relegating people to circumstances from which there is no escape.

Also before touting foreign pregnancy rates, check out the alarming STD epidemics in those countries. Don’t compare statistics with the USA because their reporting procedures and systems do not equal ours or each others; just look at the dramatic increases. “Enlightened” European views of sex have severely damaged marriage and family, are decreasing their native population to the point of societal crisis, and potentially increasing disease-induced sterility and death. Wow, let’s be just like them!

I agree that sex education should not be left up to the schools. Teaching kids that it’s okay for them to have sex (it’s just a choice), and implying that it can be safe or almost risk-free is wrong. Comprehensive sex now adds abstinence as just another contraception method, clueless to the benefits and responsibilities of an abstinent lifestyle. If it had been left in parents hands, maybe we wouldn’t be in the mess we are now. “Ignorance was bliss” wasn’t too bad compared to “too little, too late”.